100 Dogs

One hundred dogs a hundred dogs, a hundred dogs, a hundred dogs.

One is for the cup you lost

Tables and glass and  hidden costs

Five more take your forks and spoon

And leave girls stranded on the moon

 

Thirty mend your ageing face

Plus two that aim to take your place

One says that you should take your life

Two dress up like your Dads new wife

 

Three that mock your distressed bowel

One cleans your old grey wanking towel

There’s dogs that howl and dogs that bite

Three, six, nine! inches frost at night

 

I bought a thousand violins

And tuned them all to random pitch

I butchered fifty childlike veal

And fed them to a hungry bitch

 

One hundred dogs a hundred dogs, a hundred dogs, a hundred dogs

You’ve lost touch with a childhood friend?

A dog will fetch them back again

If Vikings, Mermaids, Goths invade

Make sure your canine army’s paid

 

I saw them out in Whitley Bay

And half those boys ain’t even spayed

20 federal agent pets

Drunk Three legged Afghan Vets’

If rats eat cheese and cats kill mice

Flakes are frosted cakes are iced

What did I do in my last life?

To deserve such disturbing sights

And endure so much haunted night

One hundred dogs a hundred dogs, a hundred dogs, a hundred dogs

 

Five opened up a coffee shop

Twelve make their money

‘Roff roff, Ropp’ ??

Twelve make their money mending roofs

Ten sell cagoules and waterproofs

Nine hang with a suspicious man

Well dressed with suspect orange tan

Who made his money salmon canning

Then moved on into highway planning

There’s nowhere else for us to go

There’s really nothing else to see

“There’s nowhere else for us to go

Nowhere else for us to be”

 

One hundred dogs a hundred dogs, a hundred dogs, a hundred dogs

I count as high as ninety three they turn as one and bark at me.